I have recently begun reading the book “The Body Keeps The Score” by Bessel van der Kolk, which is a book about how trauma affects the body and the brain.  It gives wonderful insight on why traumatized individuals act the way they do in various situations.

One thing that became clear while reading the book is how traumatized individuals have a difficult time living in the present and being in charge of their life.  This is due to their neurological system continuing to operate as if their body is still under threat.  Their bodies continually send warning messages that danger is present, even if that is not the reality of the situation.  The result is that many people begin to block out and ignore those messages.  This means that it becomes difficult to determine what is actually dangerous as well as what is actually safe.  People become disconnected from their bodies.

When you can’t trust your own body to give you correct messages about safety and danger, it becomes very difficult to feel in charge of yourself.  The more awareness people have of their body-based feelings, the more they will feel in control of their life.  This is because knowing what you feel allows you to then discover why you feel it.  If we gain insight on why we feel a certain way, we can then begin to make changes and take charge of our life.

Learning to live in the present is a great way to begin taking charge of your life.  Practicing mindfulness techniques on a daily basis can help people to live in the present.  Activities such as noticing your breath for a full minute or observing something that typically goes unnoticed during the day (such a birds singing or the smell of the clementine you are eating) are things that can help you to start living more in the present.

Posted by Laura

So often, we are our harshest critic.  We may have the ability to show empathy and compassion for others, but when it comes to ourselves, it is difficult.  Thoughts run through our head “why did I do that?  What was I thinking?  I’m so stupid.  I always mess things up” etc.  We seem to trust that these unhelpful thoughts are right and that there is some character flaw within us that may not be fixable.

Dr. Richard C. Schwartz, PhD, LMFT, developed a model that he calls Internal Family Systems.  Basically the model suggests that every person is made up of parts (an angry part, critical part, care-taking part, controlling part, hurt part, etc.) as well as their core Self.  At times, a person’s parts may take over the Self, and people begin to believe that they are their parts.  It becomes difficult for them to know or find who they are deep down as a person.

Compassion is one quality of the Self-led person.  When we are able to find compassion for the parts of ourselves that we often hate, we are connecting with our Self at our core.  The discovery of one’s Self is amazingly healing, powerful, and life-changing.  We suddenly become less fearful of ourselves and of our place in the world and we gain a sense of Confidence (another quality of the Self) that we never knew we had.  Our view about ourselves, others, and the world seems to change.

As a therapist, I am honored that my clients allow me to be part of their journey in their discovery of Self.  While it may feel scary to begin the process, they put some level of trust into me as their guide, and together we begin to discover who they are.   According to Dr. Schwartz, everyone has a Self that displays Calmness, Clarity, Curiosity, Compassion, Confidence, Courage, Creativity, and Connectedness.  How empowering it is to know that everyone has the potential to discover their Self!

Posted by Laura

Schwartz, R. (2001) Introduction To The Internal Family Systems Model. Oak Park, Illinois: Trailheads Publications

Sometimes, it is hard to understand why some people seem to easily manage a great deal of stress and others seem to become overwhelmed by the smallest thing.  While some of this is linked to a person’s personality, the rest can be linked to how full their water glass is.

I like to use the analogy of our system as a water glass and our stress level as the water inside.  Some of us walk around with our glass filled to the rim most of the time, so when one more drop (stressor) is poured into our glass, our glass simply cannot physically hold it anymore and it overflows.  When our glass overflows it is often shown through an episode of anger or emotional breakdown.  Others walk around with their glass fairly empty, so when water (or stressors) are added, there is plenty of room to hold them.  These people are able to handle multiple stressors at once, without feeling emotionally overwhelmed.

Sometimes being able to view yourself or others as a water glass will give you a better understanding of what is happening within your system or theirs, when emotional overwhelm occurs.  Gaining this understanding helps us to be more tolerant and empathetic when those meltdowns occur, because we are able to make some sense around what is going on.  This typically allows for us to offer better support to ourselves or others.

So, the big question is…how do we empty our glass so that we can handle more stress without becoming so overwhelmed?  The key is to find a way to regulate your neurological system.  Some people may be able to do this on their own or others may turn to therapy for help.

Posted by Laura

If you are looking for more information on Neurofeedback, click on the following link and check out an article published in the November/December 2014 issue of BellaSpark Magazine, written by Laura Molzer.

http://www.bellasparkmagazine.com/wellness/neurofeedback-calming-nervous-system/

Back to School!

Back to school can be a very stressful time for both children and parents. Here are a few tips on how to make this transition from summer a little less stressful for you and your children:

• Send your little ones to school with a photo of you in their backpacks so that if they do miss you during the day, they can pull that out and feel connected to you again.
• Validate that your child may have many feelings about going back to school and that it is ok to feel scared, excited, happy, and sad all at the same time.
• Pack a special note in your child’s lunch with a message that you know will feel good for them to hear.

Remember that this can be a stressful time for parents and children alike and the more you can help your children feel supported, the easier the transition will be!